LIGHT OUT

.....LIGHT OUT.....

I never for once stayed in a hostel, even while in the university…to those rolling eyes at me, I see you…#tongue out. Well,3 weeks NYSC camp gave me the experience (NYSC is National Youth Service Corps. A system for which Nigerian youth serve their fatherland for 1 year in Nigeria). Anyway, it is not about who went to the hostel or not but the outcome of the child.

Light out is a popular term used in boarding houses to get students to sleep at a particular time and probably say their personal prayers before drifting to bed.

I remember growing up, we didn’t really have a specific time we go to bed in my family but after dinner and prayers, we all retire to our rooms to sleep. My mum always switches off the light. There was this sweet I loved then, “Lemon Plus” I would always hide them in the corner of my bed so that when the light goes off, I would start to lick and chew them #coveringface… I always looked forward to light out because it was my own moment to lick sweet.. lol... my mother caught me one day though, please don’t ask for the gist #laughs

As I grew up, I realized that we all would experience a light out moment in our life journey.

Light out is a moment with you and you alone. A moment of privacy outside the third party. A moment to reflect, meditate, or sometimes cast the blame card. This is a moment where the world stops cheering, a moment you remove your crown and check your scars, a moment you remove the thorn of pain yourself and ensure you heal without no one noticing, a moment you cry and beg yourself to stop..lol... A moment of complete honesty and loyalty to self. It’s a moment of complete vulnerability but we get to choose our actions and reactions at this moment.

Sometimes last week, I had a light out moment, I was alone in my room, on my bed and I cried…#smiles…yes, I cried my eyes out. I cried about the part of me people don’t get to see. I cried because I missed my friend so much but didn’t want anyone to ask me what was wrong with me. I cried because I was grateful for the journey so far, in my little baby steps each day, God is so gracious to grant me success and results. I cried because I wanted attention from boo, but didn’t get it...#coveringface… I couldn’t form a macho woman at that point... I cried out of being overwhelmed with so many tasks and I didn’t know how to put a structure to them. In fact, everything just got to me. 

It dawned on me people never get to tell you to celebrate these moments. They make us believe vulnerability is a weakness and it is just ok to celebrate the happy moments alone. Without these lights out moments our becoming won’t be complete, it would be a one-sided journey and we would be half baked. Who eats half-baked cake? Let it be full of different rich ingredients, if it is not properly done, it would be thrown away.

Friends, here is what I am learning through my light out moments;

1. Embrace your light out moment, cry if you have to Afterall no one would see your ugly crying face. It’s just you and you.
2. Be very vulnerable with yourself. If you are forming hardcore with yourself, I wonder what you would do when you are with your spouse or friends.
3. Always go into your light out moment with the mindset of “I am human and I am a work in progress”. Nobody has it completely figured out.
4. Each time you examine your weakness or things that weigh you down always balance it with gratitude.
5. Don’t leave your light out a moment without saying a prayer, thank God for the journey so far, ask God to help you, ask Him to lead you through the rest of the journey and trust Him to do as you have asked.

     We would always go through a light out, don’t dread it but embrace it. A light out is not a life out.

     Trust you were blessed? What’s your favorite part? Post in the comment section.

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     All my love,

     Tolulope.