ACCEPTANCE SYNDROME

Acceptance Syndrome is the characteristics that an individual exhibits to be accepted. These are traits that a person has to ensure he/she is validated and accepted.

We all love acceptance. Everyone loves the feeling of validation. No one wants to be alone and do life alone. We all want people’s attention. We all are attention seeker, our craving for acceptance and attention just differs from person to person.

I got into the university with the confidence that I am a brilliant girl and in fact one of the top 3 graduating students in my days in high school. I thought life in High school was the same as university life. I wrote my first exams with the assurance that I would have all As especially because of the way I prepared and the people that I read with. In fact, I had finished my syllabus a month before the exams commenced. By the time the result was out, hmmm… guess my grades? I had a GPA of 1.71 with two carryovers. I saw the result during the break, I was even in my mum’s room, the result came as a text message… I ran mad practically, I mean correct madness, the good thing was I was the only one at home. I went naked and ran around in the house, threw myself on the floor severally with tears streaming from my eyes. I started to ask questions, what happened, what would I tell my parents?

When my parent got to know about my result, they were really disappointed. They lost their trust in me, my father even threatened to disown me because they felt I wasn’t serious in school. My parent especially my dad, said a lot, and that was my beginning of low self-esteem. I felt I wasn’t good enough, I felt like a failure. I no longer had the attention and acceptance I wanted from my family.

I got back to school with the feeling of being a failure. All I desired at that time was ACCEPTANCE. I wanted to be loved through my failures, I wanted so much acceptance that I was ready to do anything for it. On getting back to school, I had these amazing lodge members who were ready to take me as part of their family. They loved me so much that we shared almost everything together. It was so much fun with them. 

I lost my identity of who I was . I didn’t want to lose this acceptance I had gotten for free. I loved one of them so much that I decided to copy her life. I spoke like she spoke, did the things she did. I felt that was the image of acceptance and she was also brilliant. I even dated one of them just because I didn’t want to lose touch with the acceptance feeling. You can guess right, the relationship didn’t last.

Then one day, while I was having my quiet time, I had mastered the act of pretense that even in my secret place, I preferred to write letters than to pray out. and I heard the quiet voice say to me “Tolu I love you, and people got no choice to love you because I love you first”. I was broken and I cried all through my quiet time. Then later in the evening, the lady I copied who happened to also be my room mate called me and said to me “ Dee, It’s time for you to be your own woman, you’ve copied me enough”. This was the beginning of my libration.

Identity is a big deal. If you don’t know WHO you are and WHOSE you are, you would always fall into the acceptance syndrome. The standard of others would become your standard and it would always become inferior.

SIGNS TO KNOW YOU HAVE ACCEPTANCE SYNDROME

1. You care so much about others' opinions. The opinion  of others move you to make decision
2. You feel intimated when you see others doing the same thing as you getting celebrated.
3. You are a perfectionist, you never want to make mistakes. You always beat yourself up each time you make a mistake.
4.  You don’t like to say No, it is always a Yes with you.
5. You prefer the public accolades to the private peace.
6. You prefer the praises of people over feedbacks.

HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM ACCEPTANCE SYNDROME

•  Know thyself: You have to come to understand who you are and who you are isn’t attached to things or people but attached to your core which is GOD. 
• Know WHOSE you are : Understand WHOSE you are. This would build your confidence in identifying with your true identity. Remember that ye are gods and sons of the most high.
• Spend time with your creator: The more time you spend with your creator, the more you become like Him. You become who you spend time with. 
• Spend time with Yourself: Spend quality time with yourself. Know your weakness and strength. The more time you spend with your self the more you grow confidence in who you are. 
•  Seek Growth: Ensure you continue to learn, buy knowledge, and sell it not. Be so consumed in your Physical, mental emotional and spiritual growth that you become a force of influence. 
• Journal your journey: Journaling is a blessing to us all. The more you journal, the more you expand your mind to growth, the more grateful you become.

Till I write to you again.

Don’t forget to like, comment, and share.

All my love,

Tolulope.

P.S: Further study, Read Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer